There's Good News and Bad News

Alternate titles for this post that I considered:

• I Never Should Have Chosen That Damn Name - Nonrunner Nancy
• Trust Me, Freakishly Flexible is so NOT a Good Thing
• I'm Mourning 13 Minute Miles
• I'm a Freak
• Only Read This if You Need to Feel Better About Your Situation Otherwise It's Too Much of a Downer and Way Too Long

Well, now, I really have some answers. I never wanted to be one of those people that posted every ache and pain and complaint and that is why I have disappeared somewhat. I wanted to be fun and funny, creative, motivational (if not fast). But the answers are none of those things.

I DO have a torn labrum (the cartilage in my hip) and it probably CAN be fixed. However the sit-i-ation is more complicated. This injury likely WAS caused from running, somewhere around the 6 mile point. I am so damn freakishly flexible that my bones rattle around in the joints and just bang the $hit out of each other. To the point of injury. This injury is usually caused by tackling or falling down, but some people that are really flexible can get it from repetitive motion.

I have choices, clean up the broken stuff and just get it out of there (3 weeks on crutches, back to normal activity) or try to repair it (6 weeks of crutches and brace, more extensive healing, then back to normal activity). The doc says he never usually repairs anyone over 25 years old because healing capacity declines. However, he suggests repair in my case just to try to give my joint a little more stability. Freakishly flexible, people. I'm a freak. I feel old.

The reality is I really am a Nonrunner. My body was never made for running. I have too much flexibility, not enough control and my bones are beating up on each other simply from running. (do you have a picture in your mind of me flailing about? well I never thought it was that bad but apparently it is bad enough) It explains why my feet would just literally blow up at 8 miles and be so sore I could barely hobble. I am so sad right now, I can't even tell you. I sucked at running but it was mine. I made so much progress, I shocked even me, I loved the creative posts, the awesome, funny, sweet, ever-supportive bloggers, the time alone, the time with friends, the saying, "yeah, I ran a half" and meaning a half marathon, the beautiful days, the rainy days, the cold days. When I ran a half, I remembered to marvel at my strength even from the back of the pack. Now it seems like the holy grail.

I'm so sorry for the drama, I just needed to write. I really am mourning the loss of running. If I get all fixed, I will need to be a lot more careful and that probably won't involve much running at all. This isn't gut it out and make progress, this is gut it out and risk inury, go too far and need another surgery. I'm mourning the 12 miles I did with Amy and Art and the fantastic tailwind, the day we ran in an absolute snow storm, the day Cavey Girl ran a record pace and God smiled down on her chipped tooth and all, the day I ran my one and only famous Dam to Dam 20k and so many other runs that I captured on my blog. I'm mourning the lessons of being so bad and having to remain positive and everything it taught me. I'm mourning the tris I wanted to eventually do. I'm mourning the virtual races and all of you.

I know life will go on. This isn't loss of a loved one or loss of a limb or something equally as crappy. But I am going to have to find a new holy grail. I am a swimmer and I can certainly do that. But you don't meet your friends at the pool and have a great swim with chat, laughter, tears, hugs, etc. I have to find something that keeps me energized like running did. And, I have to find the creative outlet that it gave me, as well.

I have read that many people live just fine with the freakish flexibility but a chosen few have it so bad they get injured. Their best bet is to be freakishly thin and freakishly in shape. Geez. Can we rub it in any more? Those are two things I'm clearly not. And, if I were those two things, how much faster could I run?

Well, I have to move on and try to be thankful for all the stuff that remains.
I can be fixed.
I have all those sweet, strong, beautiful runs captured on the blog and can read about them any time I want
I have met some lovely people.
I AM a runner, I did a half marathon and a 20k. I rocked. I have medals.
I learned how to be positive and keep going even when I kind of suck.
I learned how to run my own race, something so valuable in every day life.
I still have lipstick.
I still have my club.
Of course, I am blessed beyond belief with husband and kids who will support whatever the new holy grail becomes.

I will still be around. I have to figure out what to do with this blog. Maybe I will continue to be Nonrunner Nancy but swimmer or cyclist extraordinaire. I have a little road in front of me with surgery, rehab, and figuring out how to be freakishly thin and freakishly in shape as well as a lot of creative energy that needs to go into something. But I do want to thank all of you for your inspiration, support, laughs, friendship. You all and running have meant so much to me. Please go easy on yourselves, be thankful every day that your body allows you to run, no matter how slow, marvel at your strength and remember to enjoy all the details.

Here's the Dealio

Hey Everybody I Miss Like Crazy -

I finally have some news to share. Here is what I know...

• I've mostly been trying to keep the hip and back quiet by not aggravating them much.


• My hip pain doesn't really change but the back was flaring some in Nov/Dec so I was just going to PT to survive it.


• I continued to pursue care with an orthopedic guy. We tried ultrasound with drug, full course of anti-inflammatories, core work, etc.


• Finally, when these weren't working at all, we moved on to the MRI's.


• My back MRI shows 2 degenerative discs but no real complications.


• If I can keep them in check with core work and knowing my limits, I can exercise!


• My hip MRI shows a real injury, a labral tear, but no real complications.


• I have had this pain in my hip since around August of 07!!


• The good news is that this is an injury that can be repaired, not some condition or disease that I have to live with for the rest of my life. I'M NOT CRAZY EITHER! It really was NOT RIGHT. I kept saying it doesn't hurt THAT bad, but something in there is NOT RIGHT. I'm so glad I continued to pursue and my doc was willing to continue to pursue until we had some answers.


• I suppose this is a new and unique excuse for my eternal slowness. :D


• The bad news is that it will require surgery to fix, crutches, rehab, etc.


• I am meeting with a surgeon on Feb 2.


• Also, I can't really make the tear worse so I am free to exercise until surgery!


• I went yesterday and did 20 min elliptical, planks, pushups, situps and jogged 1 mile.


• Yes, I jogged one mile!! YEAH.


• I think I was the biggest girl there. :P Everyone looked just amazing. Geez, I am so jealous of everyone and how little I can do and how pathetic I looked.


• Despite this really mild sounding work out, I was light-headed and spent. So sad. I have so far to go. I was going to swim too, but didn't think it would be a good idea with already being light-headed.


• I'm going to try to put some really meaningful exercise in until I get this surgery going.


• I am trying to remember how fast it can come back with some diligence.


• Appreciate your cheers, prayers, words of wisdom, etc, whatever your inclination, as I may need some major support through surgery and trying to make a comeback to some running.

Happy Holidays

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE !!

the picture is from the Old Course Grill, overlooking St. Andrews and the 17th and 18th holes, from our trip in June.

Thanks for all your support this year. Looking forward to 2009 and hopefully some running and training in moderation.

This Just In

Guy Who Does A Lot of Hips (also known as Ortho Guy) is completely perplexed. He cannot put a label on it or give me much of a plan.

On to an MRI tomorrow morning. Wish me luck and think very still thoughts. 45 minutes is a long time.

May be some answers soon??!!

No Real News Yet

Here's the latest on me. Thanks, everyone, for checking in on me and for your concern and caring.

I've been to an ortho who thinks I have an inflammed TFL. (that's the muscle that the ITB turns into at the insertion point) All I need is a little ultrasound, some stretching and a 4 week stint on anti-inflammatories. Ah, not so much. I'm not better by any stretch of the imagination. Pt Guy is sending me back and recommending an MRI. My next appt is Dec 4th. It has been a huge challenge trying to figure out if hip and back are related or separate and just what is going on.

Meanwhile, I have been doing very little, only a few swims. I'm afraid to run for fear it could actually get worse. I read an occasional blog but it is a little depressing. I'm wondering if I could still run a mile or two? I put running shorts on the other day for my treatment and they actually felt strange. Oh, that made me sad.

Don't worry, I'm not really sitting around moping. Too much to do, too little time. We celebrated 6 years of the oldest boy and 4 of the youngest. Parties galore, the piece d' resistance was 31 kids at Pump It Up. What chaos and what fun. There was only a small amount of blood shed and luckily everyone signs a waiver. hee hee.

The kids are growing before my eyes so I am making a conscious effort to be with them and enjoy, not always rushing them here and there and drill sargenting them around. We've now made pretzels and cookies in the new Easy Bake oven! (yes, they are both boys and they love it). First conference was interesting, the oldest is doing really well but I never expected the word "womanizer" to be used. What a kid. :D

Work has been really busy and we are awaiting another reorg. I try not to even think about it anymore. Although VIV brought me crashing back to what life behind the counter was like. :D Thanks for that. I love my job so I'm hoping for the best. We are also keeping busy with college basketball, 4 year old soccer, swimming lessons, and a few symphony and musicals. And December brings a bit of travel and whole lot of shopping. I'll try not to stay away so long.

Thanks for checking in on me. I am currently solidly in the nonrunner status but hopeful we will find some answers soon. Send good vibes...

XOXO

Too Funny Not to Share

Tired of the campaign rhetoric, the commercials, the call in shows, the newspapers, the debates, the phone calls, the signs....





So you turn to Dancing With The Stars for a little mindless relaxation and what do you find?

• Back and hip still hurting, sans running
• Appt with ortho in less than a week
• A little nervous there will be no answers but there's no sense in worrying about it
• Really don't want to bore anyone with my whining
• Swimming 3 - 4x per week.
• I hate counting laps but I think 30 minutes is around a mile.
• Last night I did 32 minutes of continuous swimming.
• I get a foot cramp at 25 minutes every single time I swim. What up?
• I attempted a couple flip turns - they quickly reminded me of the decade or two that have passed since being competitive. hee hee
• I bought some flip flops for keeping at the gym. Somehow I thought I bought 8's and got home with 11's :S
• Rough start to the Viv Weight Loss Challenge but I think I've righted the ship.
• I'm thinking of dressing as a scary Cavewoman for Halloween and suprising the kids. I could use a little club right now.
• Took my little one to the ISU game last weekend on a date.
• We lost but I had the time of my life dancing and cheering with a 3 year old.

The Plan in Bullets

hMy doc and I have agreed that I will see an ortho guy who does a lot of hips (here to for referred to as He Who Does Hips, only because I couldn't think of a cool symbol). :D @ this maybe?
+I don't see him until the 30th.
xIn the meantime, I am not running
(I'm sure you don't want to read my daily pain scale reports so I probably will not post very much.
IWe did join a gym with a pool right up the street so I am over the moon about that.
'I did 1250 tonight, kinda PO'd it wasn't 1600 but what do I know? I really haven't swam much in years.
JIt could easily have been 1600, I'm horrible at counting and didn't time it.
sI think it was around 35 minutes of swimming??
"My racing suit is still from another decade. eek
NNo amount of lipstick can really overcome my thighs in a decade old suit ;D

YOne minute they are crying and fighting, the next they are reading books and telling me about the Eiffel Tower.